You may be wondering what a typical IB school looks like. I might as well say it right from the outset but there is no such thing as a typical IB school. Rather than attempting to present to you a completely imaginary school I will attempt to describe my school.
Upon reaching the grounds of “Rellaw Academy” (in quotes because everything that is even remotely identifiable about me needs to be covered up somehow) one is struck by a rather inaccurate thought: ‘My,’ one would think, ‘what a quaint little school, what with its separate buildings, aged columns, and curious little children!’ Of course, the Academy is neither little, nor is it filled with “curious” little children (though certainly they are very very special children and the buildings themselves are incredibly old and perhaps in need of some desperate renovations what with their disintegrating walls, mice-filled rooms, metallic-tasting water from drinking fountains, stinky comfort rooms and–I digress).
Beyond those chipped brick walls with the peeling and possibly lead-filled jaundice yellow paint are future masters in the art of deception…for nothing is what it seems (especially when you pay half an American dollar a full American dollar for what you believe to be a chocolate chip cookie, only to bite into it and find that it is actually an oatmeal cookie with raisins, or when you are given what the school cafeteria worker says is “Salisbury steak” and then find yourself waking up in the hospital after eating the cafeteria meal).
When entering the bigger building of the school, the first of your five senses to be stimulated is not your sight (for the interior is as plain as Jane Eyre), nor your taste (please do not under any circumstances lick the lead-covered walls), but your smell. For you will find that in the halls of Rellaw there wafts a strange and indescribable scent; imagine if you will a mix of sweaty and overstimulated teenagers, overly perfumed staff members, burning cafeteria food, and quite possibly marijuana. Always this scent streams through the air and follows you around like the plague. After a few years in this environment you will notice the smell about as much as George Orwell takes note of “brown” people in “Marrakech”, which is to say that in general you will reach a point where you will no longer notice the rank of poverty [of Rellaw] (though certainly you will take note of it occasionally).
To your left and right there are a multitude of stairs. This is perhaps the most confusing part of the bigger building, the reason being that your arrival at a desired destination is entirely dependent upon the staircases you choose to climb. You see, this bigger building is actually an amalgamation of two different buildings. Instead of dealing with a third building, the designers decided upon simply meshing together the two different fragments. An exploration of the staircases to the right would indicate clearly that the second level of one part of the building doesn’t quite align with the other part. Don’t think that just because you are on the second level of the one part of the building already that you will end up in the third level of the other part of the building; certainly not. Though they remain immobile throughout the year, the staircases might as well be moving like they do in Hogwarts.
Occasionally the halls are adorned with fantastic artwork from Rellaw students. When they are not adorned with the works of extremely talented people, the cracks in the walls are made more conspicuous. Suffice to say, these works of art should be displayed in a gallery, not an aging school wherein mice are as prevalent as the common cold in the middle of winter and cracks in the walls glare at you like they do the narrator of Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper”.
As for the library, it is hazardous to enter and will probably cause you cancer because its walls are asbestos-filled. So as to discourage you from visiting that area, I will continue this description later.
Anyone who goes to Rellaw will know that I am describing their school. And who am I? I will let you to speculate on that point.
